


Warrior Cultures and Repulsor Beams

by lisabounce



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-02
Updated: 2012-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-28 17:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisabounce/pseuds/lisabounce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has all the attention span of a five year old hyped up on Red Bull. And he's never been that good at staff meetings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Warrior Cultures and Repulsor Beams

There are entire teams of people at SHIELD devoted to finding out what makes Thor tick. (Well, okay, Thor and the other Asgardians. But mostly Thor, because he is here right now and thus actually our problem right now, rather than probably going to become a problem soon.) Tony finds that their files make for fascinating reading in staff meetings, especially the fifteen thousand word dissertation on warrior cultures and bisexuality, though they're not always as good as Banner's.

Banner's is a special kind of hilarious and not just because Tony can rattle off a list idiots who experimented on themselves with syphilis, with radiation, with stomach ulcers, with turning blue and furry. (So, okay, Tony doesn't have proof when it comes to that one, but he's seen pictures of the old Hank McCoy and consulted with the current version.) In Tony's experience, most people over the age of about nine know better, especially when the situation is less near certain death in Afghani cave and more hey, what happens if I do this? The answer to which now includes a twelve foot tall green rage monster currently considered to be extremely useful in a very terrifying wind him up and point him in approximately the right direction kind of way. (There is also a deep fascination with what happens when Banner eats while busy being a twelve foot tall green rage monster.)

Privacy, Tony long ago decided, is something that happens to other people.

So, some people can apparently sit through meetings without playing Words With Friends (in your face, Happy!) or having Jarvis run the figures on the improvements to Steve's body armour or twittering or attempting to find out why there's a 3.478% difference in the repulsors in their left boot. Some of those people include Steve. And Natasha. And Coulson. Thor simply looks confused a lot of the time. Tony just has Jarvis scan for a list of key words and alert him when they crop up and then display a transcript of the previous fifteen seconds of conversation. It works.

Tony concludes that he'd have to take the boot apart to figure out exactly what's going on there so he shelves it till later and his twitter is kind of boring right now and it's not his move in Words so he goes back to the warrior subcultures report, the short version of which is that some of the researchers really want to bone Thor. Mostly in the name of science. Probably mostly in the name of science.

Tony is totally down with that. He has eyes. Unfortunately, he also has the Voice of Disapproval. It sounds a lot like Pepper and a little like Ms Urquahrt, his third grade teacher. Mostly it sounds sad and disappointed as it explains that maybe Jane would be sad if he tried it on with Thor. He attempts to bargain with it for a few minutes (maybe Jane would like to join in?) before abandoning it as a lost cause. But that's okay because there is Clint and there is Darcy and one of the two is bound to put out. (Tony has money on Clint.)

Possibly more importantly, the meeting is also over and he can fix his boots.


End file.
